


Babydoll

by thistels



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Barebacking, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Crossdressing, Dirty Talk, First Time, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Not What It Looks Like, Period-Typical Homophobia, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Needs a Hug, Top Bucky Barnes, Virgin Steve Rogers, but just once, communication is key, terms of endearment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 23:25:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11001198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistels/pseuds/thistels
Summary: Bucky comes home early from work and finds Steve wearing a dress. I think you know what happens next.OrSteve likes to fantasize that maybe Bucky would want him if he was a girl. Turns out Bucky likes Steve as a boy just plenty.The crossdressing-theme is pretty minimal. It's mostly stupid boys not being able to communicate and sex with a lot of feelings and an excessive use of terms of endearment.





	Babydoll

_“Stevie.”_ Bucky’s voice was breathless and he braced himself with both hands on the top of the doorframe. _“Aw, man, Stevie.”_ The name ending up more of a desperate, needy whine than an actual word.

Steve flinched like he had been hit with a whip and Bucky worried for a moment that maybe his fragile body might react poorly to being surprised like that. They had learned early when they met as young children that Bucky jumping at Steve from behind to catch his friend of guard was a very bad idea.

 _“Steve-”_ He started, voice filled with concern now at the same as Steve let out a pleading _“Bucky don’t-“._

Bucky’s fingers clenched around the doorframe, his knuckles going white. Steve was standing in their shared bedroom, his back turned to Bucky. He was wearing a... _Christ._ He was wearing a dress. Steve was wearing a dress. It was a red number, hanging a bit awkwardly from his shoulders as if it was made for someone with more curves and flesh on their bones. The wide skirt ended just at his knees and fuck, Bucky loved skirts like that. He’d told Steve so on several occasions.

 _“Just-“_ Steve started over, hunching over and gripping the window frame with one hand. He still hadn’t turned to face Bucky and fuck Bucky was going to hell, but he really wished that Steve would turn around so he could see all of him. _“Bucky, go, please, I-“_ He stumbled over the words in his hurry to get them out and even from across the room Bucky could see that Steve’s hands where shaking. _“I’m sorry Buck, I’ll-“_

 _“Hey, don’t-”_ Bucky started to cut Steve’s ramblings off, but he didn’t know how to continue that sentence because he wasn’t sure what he had walked in on exactly. Sure, Steve was standing in their bedroom wearing a dress and from looking at him from behind alone Bucky could tell that he looked gorgeous. But why was he doing it? And how was Bucky supposed to string more than a few coherent thoughts together when he kept getting distracted by a river of red flowing over smooth pale skin?

 _“I’ll leave. ’M sorry Bucky, I’ll just.”_ Steve took a deep breath shook his head and Bucky didn’t have to see his face to know that Steve was fighting tears. He wanted to reach out, pull Steve into a hug and try to comfort him. But Steve didn’t take kindly to Bucky treating him like that way on a good day, and Bucky knew that he’d just make things worse if he tried it now. And besides, if he got Steve in his arms he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let go without doing something extremely inappropriate, or at least give away how his body had reacted to seeing Steve like this. So he didn’t.

 _“Gimme, gimme an hour would you? Just, let me pack my things. And then I’ll go. Just, please.”_ Steve was practically begging now, still refusing to turn to look at Bucky and it took Bucky a while to catch up to what Steve was saying.

 _“Pack your things?”_ Bucky parroted, hearing Steve’s words but not having the slightest clue what he meant by them.

 _“Yeah, I mean I understand if you… look, I’ll be outta your hair. And I won’t leave you hanging, I’ll pay my share of the rent till you find another roommate. Just, please don’t throw me out on the street like this?”_ Steve was clearly aiming for a joke at the end but the pure desperation in his voice made it fall flat. Bucky wouldn’t have laughed even if it hadn’t, because Steve seemed to think that that was an actual possibility.

 _“I’m not. Gees. I ain’t kicking you out.”_ Was all Bucky could say. His mind felt blank and it was like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. Steve actually though that Bucky would kick him out on the street for something like this? For anything?

 _“You, you’re not?”_ Steve asked, his voice trembling a bit and he angled his head back a bit to throw a quick glance at Bucky.

 _“No.”_ Bucky almost shouted in his desperation to convince Steve, and it made the blond man cringe a bit. _“No, no way Steve.”_ He hurried to say in a softer voice.

 _“Alright.”_ Steve sighed, his shoulders slumping a bit. _“Go ahead then.”_

Bucky just blinked. _“What?”_

_“Start throwing punches.”_

And that was it. That was fucking it. Bucky wrenched away from the doorway and stalked toward Steve, coming to stand just behind him. Steve flinched and it broke Bucky’s heart.

 _“I ain’t gonna hurt you Steve. Stevie, it’s okay. Please.”_ Steve’s hands were still shaking and Bucky was just dying to put his own hands over his to still them. _“Steve, just look at me?”_ Christ, alright so he said that mostly out of concern but a little bit was also the selfish desire in him that really needed to see all of Steve in that dress.

Steve shook his head.

 _“Come on, Steve. This ain’t nothin’ to me.”_ Bucky would feel bad about lying later, because this was definitely not nothing to him. But it wasn’t something in the way Steve seemed to think. _“Steve, I can’t talk to your back like this.”_

 _“Can we please forget this ever happened?”_ Steve asked, his voice pleading while somehow managing to convey that that wasn’t something he really wanted at all.

 _“Is that what you want?”_ Bucky asked carefully.

 _“I-“_ Steve cut himself off and took a few deep breaths until his hands weren’t shaking that much anymore. _“I just wanted to know what it was like. Just, pretend. For a while. I swear Bucky, I won’t do anything weird or nothin’, I-“_

 _“Hey, it’s alright. I ain’t freaking out over this.”_ Bucky cut in when he sensed that Steve was about to work himself up to another near-panicking rant apologizing for something Bucky didn’t even understand.

 _“You don’t even know what this is.”_ Steve sighed and shook his head again.

 _“So tell me?”_ Bucky suggested, but it might have been more pleading that suggesting really.

_“You won’t understand.”_

_“Well I sure won’t if you don’t give me somethin’ to work with.”_

_“It’s just, you’re… you, Bucky. You’re you.”_ Steve made a vague hand gesture in the air as if that was supposed to explain anything. _“You’re everything. And I just, sometimes I wish you’d look at me the same way you look at your dames is all.”_ By the end of it Steve is practically whispering, his words only audible because everything around them is so dead quiet.

Bucky doesn’t really get it. Or he thinks he might get it, but he doesn’t dare go down that train of thought because he doesn’t think he’d be able to find his way back if it turned out he was wrong. _“So you do this?”_ He says stupidly, making his own nonsense hand-gesture that Steve can’t even see behind his back. _“Dress like a dame so I’ll… treat you like one?”_ He is straining to get the words out.

 _“You weren’t-“_ Steve takes another breath which is way too deep for his fragile lungs. _“You weren’t supposed to see.”_ He tries again.

 _“Oh.”_ Is all Bucky can come up with. He feels like his brains must have evacuated his head at the same time as his blood started heading south.

 _“It was stupid anyway.”_ Steve says and something about the resignation in his voice makes Bucky feel desperate to not leave Steve feeling like this.

 _“It’s not stupid.”_ He says.

 _“Bucky, come on.”_ Steve laughs bitterly, lifting his left hand to drag it through his blond hair.

 _“No Steve. Look at me.”_ He says with determination, catching Steve’s small wrist in his hand and turning his friend by the arm. It doesn’t take much force to manhandle Steve’s body, but Bucky takes great care to make sure he isn’t too rough. Whatever he was planning to say dies on his lips as he sees Steve from the front though. It’s not just the dress. Steve’s lips are painted just as red as the dress with lipstick, making them pop against his pale skin and _fuck_ Bucky wants to kiss him. He doesn’t care how perverse it is, how wrong it is, how they could both get in serious trouble for this. He never cared about the rules anyway.

He doesn’t realize that he’s staring until Steve starts squirming under his intense gaze.

 _“You want me to treat you like a girl Stevie?”_ He says, trying to conjure up the tone he uses when he talks to dames. The self-assured cocky tone that makes the girls weak in their knees because the look Bucky gives them promises them the best night of their lives.

 _“Yes.”_ Steve’s answer is to quiet it is barely even a whisper and Bucky realizes it for what it is when Steve looks down on his feet, long eyelashes kissing his cheeks. It’s an easy out. Bucky could pretend to not hear it, ask again and Steve would say no and it wouldn’t be weird. But Bucky doesn’t want an out.

 _“Look at me, doll.”_ He says, slowly lifting his arm to put two fingers under Steve’s chin and tip it up. Steve shivers at the term of endearment but Bucky doesn’t think it’s the bad kind of shiver. He files that knowledge away for later, because now Steve is looking at him and it’s even more overwhelming than coming home early from a shift and finding Steve wearing a dress.

Steve looks at him like all his dreams came through and he can’t quite believe it. Bucky desperately wants to make Steve believe it, he doesn’t want the doubt that is twisted into hopefulness like that.

He keeps his movements slow so that Steve will have plenty of time to pull away if he wanted to, but makes sure his hands are steady as he touch them to Steve’s. He grips Steve’s hands in his and pulls them away from the window. Steve goes so easily it almost makes Bucky hesitant. Steve never does anything easily, even when it is in his best interest. But he has that dreamy look on his face and damn if Bucky is going to put an end to this himself.

There isn’t much space between their beds but Bucky feels like they both might lose their courage if they leave the bedroom. He places one of Steve’s delicate hands on his shoulder and sets one of his own on Steve’s hip, pulling him in close. He feels bad about the dirty clothes he’s wearing for a second, and he probably smells like sweat and the docs and god knows what else. Steve deserves better, but he doesn’t seem to mind at all. His fingers grips the material of Bucky’s shirt, clinging to the fabric as if someone was trying to force him to let go.

 _“What are you doing Bucky?”_ Steve asks as Bucky starts pulling Steve’s body along with him in a somewhat awkward dance in the cramped space between the beds.

 _“What’s it look like I’m doin’?”_ Bucky asks, trying to keep his voice neutral. Maybe this wasn’t what Steve had wanted after all? Maybe he’d misread the whole situation?

 _“Come on Bucky, you know I can’t dance for shit.”_ Steve says, steel in his voice as he starts to squirm to get out of Bucky’s grip. He could get away if he wanted to, Bucky isn’t holding onto him nearly as hard as he wants to. But Steve doesn’t put any real effort into his attempts, doesn’t seem to really want to get away from Bucky.

 _“Well I can, so shut it, and just let me lead doll.”_ Bucky said firmly and smiled at the shiver that went through Steve’s body at those words. Yeah, Steve definitely didn’t seem to mind being called doll. He pulled Steve’s body even closer to his, letting his hand trail from Steve’s hip to the small of his back. He’d wait at least four dances before trying anything like that with a dame, but Steve wasn’t just another girl. Bucky felt dizzy just from being this close to him, from being allowed _this_. He leaned his head down, resting his temple against Steve’s and led them in a slow dance, perfectly content to just do this with Steve for hours.

When Steve managed to step on his feet for a third time though Bucky smiled at him fondly and decided that they’d work on Steve’s dancing another time. His cock agreed almost violently with that sentiment, jumping against his leg as he started backing Steve toward the blonde’s bed. Steve’s face scrounged up in disappointment when he realized where they were headed though, and Bucky caught the other man’s quick glance over to the second bed in the room. And hell, if Steve preferred Bucky’s bed it wasn’t like he was going to _argue_.

Bucky changed directions, pulling Steve with him and they ended up on his bed with Steve basically sitting in his lap, his hands hovering close to Bucky’s shoulders but not quite touching. Like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to. That was a feeling Bucky could relate to, but he decided that they’d already gone this far. They couldn’t back out now so they might as well go for it. He placed his hands on Steve’s hips, pulling him in closer and leaning forward to place wet, openmouthed kisses on the side of Steve’s neck. The first press of his lips earned him a sharp intake of breath and when he let his tongue trace a pattern over Steve’s skin he was rewarded by Steve finally gripping his shoulders.

 _“Is- Is this alright?“_ Steve breathed. Bucky decided not to dignify that with an answer, and besides, he didn’t want to take his lips of Steve’s smooth skin. He hummed instead, kept trailing his mouth up to where Steve’s throat met his jaw and set out to suck a bruise into that delicate skin. It wasn’t enough though, it wasn’t nearly enough. Bucky still didn’t know why Steve wanted this, why he was all dolled up in women’s clothing and letting Bucky touch him like this, and he didn’t know how far Steve wanted to take things. If he was a better man he’d probably give them both some time to cool down and try talking things through. He wasn’t though. The good between them was all Steve’s.

Bucky curled an arm around Steve’s lower back, dragging the other man even closer to him while the he ran his other hand up Steve’s torso. He spread his hand over the red fabric of the dress, shivering as he felt the ridges of Steve’s ribs under his palm. He wanted the dress to come off, he wanted to touch Steve’s skin and kiss each ridge until Steve was squirming under him. But Steve wanted to be treated like one of Bucky’s girls and he was going to give Steve everything he wanted. He let his thumb brush against one of Steve’s nipples, visible through the fabric and so, so sweet.

 _“That’s it baby.”_ He murmured into the skin of Steve’s throat when the other man gasped at the feeling. Bucky kept rubbing the nub, wondering if it had ever occurred to Steve to touch himself there while he got himself off. He guessed not, if the surprised gasps that kept coming were any indication.

 _“Ya like that doll?”_ He asked, smiling into Steve’s skin as Steve nodded furiously and pushed into his hands, practically arching his back to get more of Bucky’s touches. He undid a few of the top buttons of the dress with clever fingers and let his hand dive inside, skin against skin. Steve whimpered at the first touch and the sound went straight to Bucky’s cock.

 _“Bucky, please, more, I-“_ Steve breathed out the words against his cheek where their heads had settled, side by side, temples pressed against each other.

 _“Anything baby, anything.”_ Bucky answered when it didn’t seem like Steve was able to continue his sentence.

_“Just, more. Give me more Bucky, please.”_

And who was Bucky to deny Steve anything when he sounded so goddamn sweet? He entangled his arms from Steve, placing his hands on Steve’s knees and slowly ran them up and down his thigh. Above the fabric of his skirt the first two times and then decided not to tease his friend anymore when he felt the hands still on his shoulders start to shake. He ran his palms under the red fabric, Steve’s flesh feeling like silk against his callused hands.

 _“Didn’t know you’d be such a good time girl, Steve.”_ Bucky couldn’t help himself when he felt Steve’s thighs shake as he inched his hands higher and higher. _“Usually I gotta sweet-talk my girls for hours before they let me get this far.”_ He could practically feel how Steve’s cheeks heated up and flushed red and he turned his head to kiss the corner of Steve’s mouth. _“Didn’t say I minded doll.”_

Bucky thought about it for about a second before he decided to throw caution to the wind. They’d already gone this far. It wasn’t going to matter if they kissed for real, there was no going back either way. And he was going to hell, but he didn’t want to go back to the way things had been either. He missed Steve. The two friends had been spending less time together lately, Steve going out less and Bucky going out more. Spending time after work with the other guys on the dock, sharing smokes and whistling at girls with them, not because he preferred their company but because it was easier to hang out with them. He didn’t want to trace his tongue over every patch of their bared skin, didn’t want to hear them whimper his name as he made them spill all over themselves. Going out with dames because it was fun at it took the edge of for a while.

 _“You ever been kissed Stevie?”_ He asked, his lips touching the corner of Steve’s moth, the outline of his lips as he spoke. He was pretty sure he knew the answer but he had to know for sure.

 _“No.”_ Steve answered, small shake of his head and Bucky could tell he was embarrassed about it. He’d been torn between wanting to be Steve’s first and wishing that his friend hadn’t been as lonely as he seemed. He’d thought that maybe Steve was polite, he was the good one after all. Even if Steve had gotten anywhere with a girl he sure wouldn’t saunter into their apartment and start describing how she moaned when he’d sucked her nipples the way Bucky did. But no, apparently girls were too dumb to know a good thing if it hit them in the head. The selfish part of him was glad though, none of those girls deserved Steve.

 _“Good.”_ Bucky answered, leaning his head back a bit and realigning their faces so that their mouths were parallel, his lips brushing Steve’s when he talked but not quite kissing for real yet. _“Will you let me? I mean, you don’t have to.”_ He hurried to get the last part out there, fearing that wasn’t what Steve wanted. Maybe he wanted to save that experience for when he finally met that special lady. Steve was sweet like that. _“It’s okay if you don’t. Not all girls do it. It’s just, I just wanna taste you Stevie. I wanna feel ya.”_ He words slip out because he was a selfish and terrible friend, but he needed Steve to know that he wanted this. Even if the sentiment wasn’t returned, even if this was just something Steve had to get out of his system.

Bucky was waiting for Steve to reply verbally, which was why he was completely surprised and taken aback when Steve closed the distance between them and dragged Bucky into the kiss. He made a noise in the back of his throat, suddenly forgetting everything he knew about technique and finesse. Steve was licking along the seam of his lips, slowly dragging Bucky’s bottom lip into his mouth and sucking on it and Bucky felt like he was going to die. Honest to god die, because his dick was _aching_ and Steve felt so, so good against him.

Eventually though he regained some functionality in his brain and remembered that this was Steve’s first kiss and he had to make it good, not just be a passive bystander to the whole thing. And also this was Steve, he’d wanted to kiss Steve for years and there was no telling if he’d ever get another chance at it. He practically surged forward, his right hand leaving Steve’s thigh to cup the back of his head, fingers mixing with soft strands of blonde hair. Steve gasped in surprise, letting go of Bucky’s lip and Bucky was quick to take advantage. He slotted their moths together, using the hand he had on Steve’s head to angle him just so they fit just right against each other. He moved slowly, not wanting to turn the whole thing into a blur for Steve and keeping himself in control at the same time. He felt like if he let go he’d throw Steve down on the bed, rut against him and devour him, and then things would be over in five minutes and Steve deserved way better than that. And that wasn’t what Steve had asked for.

They kissed for what could have been hours for all Bucky knew. Time was the last thing on his mind. He started out fucking his tongue into Steve’s mouth slowly, dragging it along Steve’s in filthy way, a promise of what was to come, until Steve whimpered around him. Then he switched to loud and messy, trails of saliva hanging between them when they parted to breathe. Steve was catching up quick, giving as good as he got and Bucky was in no way surprised by that. Steve was smart, attentive and considerate and Bucky again cursed every single girl who had made Steve feel he wasn’t good enough.

He let his hand slip out of Steve’s hair and dipped it back into the still open cleavage of the dress again. He found Steve’s nipple with his fingers at the same time as he licked back inside Steve’s mouth and let the other man run the show for a while he concentrated on the pink nub between his fingers. Steve kissed like there was nothing else in the world except for their mouths and it made Bucky drunk with its intensity. He rolled Steve’s nipple between his fingers and smiled as Steve had do break away from the kiss to gasp at how good it felt.

 _“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky-“_ Steve whimpered, urging or pleading, Bucky couldn’t really tell.

 _“Hush baby.”_ Bucky whispered and leaned in for another kiss. _“You feel so good babydoll. So sweet for me.”_ He babbled, pressing kisses to Steve’s lips while he kept toying with the nipple he’d caught.

 _“So fucking gorgeous Stevie.”_ Bucky could tell by the way Steve ducked his head that the other man didn’t believe him and made him angry enough that his body was close to shaking. How could Steve not know how gorgeous he looked? How could girls not look at him and see all the things Bucky saw?

 _“You are.”_ He insisted. _“Prettier than any girl, I swear.”_

Steve leaned in and kissed him again, probably to shut Bucky up but Bucky didn’t really mind when he felt Steve’s lips against his again.

 _“So is this all you do, hm?”_ Steve leaned back a bit to ask, his voice betraying him by shaking with pleasure even as he tried to look unaffected. It made Bucky ridiculously proud. _“Feel ‘em up and sweet-talk ‘em? Cause I recall you bragging about doin’ a lot more – ah!”_ Steve cut himself off on a gasp as Bucky dragged a nail playfully over a nipple to take him down a peg. Steve had no business being this cocky, the fact that he had an attitude was a sign that Bucky wasn’t doing this right.

 _“No.”_ He said, letting his hand roam over all the skin he could reach on Steve’s torso. _“I you were a girl I’d put ya on your back and start licking your pussy by now.”_ He said, meeting Steve’s eyes and making sure to hold the other man’s blue gaze. _“But I can’t exactly do that, now can I?”_

Steve slumped a bit at that and he got the look he always had when he worried he had disappointed Bucky. It was a stupid look, because it implied that there was a reality in which Bucky could ever be disappointed by anything Steve did.

 _“Guess I’ll just have to get creative then, huh?”_ He said, wiggling his eyebrows in a way he knew always made Steve struggling to decide if he should to smile or roll his eyes intensely. He moved his hand before Steve could decide on either though, the one still placed on Steve’s thigh inching up even higher.

 _“Girls don’t have this you know.”_ Bucky’s fingers ghosted over Steve’s cock and it made the other boy shiver and close his eyes, his breaths becoming even shakier. _“But-“_ He started, and he was going to say that it was fine, because he had a pretty good idea on how to handle it, but Steve interrupted him.

 _“I know. ‘m sorry.”_ Steve ducked his head, his grip on Bucky’s shoulders loosing up a bit as if he expected Bucky to want to pull away. _“You can just, um, I mean. Pretend it’s not there? Bucky, please, I… m’ sorry, I just-”_

 _“Steve, doll, anything you want.”_ Bucky cut Steve’s ramblings off, fearing that he might work himself into an episode if he didn’t stop thinking so hard. He removed his hand despite the fact that his fingers were itching to grip the smooth velvet length for real. Anything Steve wanted, needed, Bucky was glad to give. If Steve wanted to be treated like a dame for real, Bucky would do that. So instead of going for his cock Bucky smoothed his hand over Steve’s hip, guiding it behind him until he could cup Steve’s ass. That earned him a loud moan which went straight to his dick.

 _“mmm, yeah, Bucky, please”_ Steve pleaded, and Bucky moved his other hand to grab his ass as well. Steve’s ass was heaven.

_“Whadd’ya want Steve? Hm? What do you want me to do to you?”_

_“Anything. F… please, Bucky, just. Do it.”_

_“Come on doll, I wanna hear you say it.”_ Bucky whispered in Steve’s ear, leaning in close to his body to nibble at his earlobe as he waited for Steve to respond. Steve didn’t seem like he was able to get the words out though, pressing himself impossibly closer to Bucky, red fabric filling Bucky’s vision and spilling everywhere. Bucky couldn’t help himself as he grabbed two handfuls of Steve’s ass, kneading the globes and marveling at the feel of them in his hands.

 _“Fuck me.”_ The words were whispered so low that if Steve’s mouth hadn’t been right by Bucky’s cheek he wouldn’t have heard them. But Steve might as well have shouted them for the reaction Bucky’s body had to them. Fuck, hearing Steve, his Stevie, talk like that drove Bucky crazy.

 _“Yeah. Yeah, alright Stevie. I’ll fuck you. Promise I’ll make it good for ya. Fuck I want you so bad, Stevie-”_ He knew he was babbling, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

 _“Yeah?”_ Steve’s exhale was all amazement and disbelief and fuck, only Steve would be unsure if Bucky was really into it at this point. Bucky refrained from rolling his eyes at how ridiculous the sentiment was, scared that Steve might misinterpret that. Instead he have Steve’s ass a few good squeezes before moving his hands to the boy’s thighs, pushing him back a bit. He could feel Steve tensing up, fearing that he might be rejected, so he hurried to reclaim Steve’s lips in a deep kiss. He moved his hands to his pants, opening his belt and his zipper and finally, finally, pulling himself out of his underwear in record time.

He broke the kiss and took one of Steve’s hands from his shoulder and slowly guided it to his achingly hard cock. _“Yeah.”_ He said, unable to resist smirking a bit, just because he was a jerk. Then his smugness was wiped away immediately as Steve flexed his fingers, experimenting with his grip as if he couldn’t believe what he was holding.

 _“Shit Steve.”_ Bucky mumbled as Steve started stroking his cock. Slender fingers moving up and down his shaft with no real finesse, just exploring, but making him jerk up into Steve’s loose fist anyway. Steve met his eyes then, searching for something on his face, in his expression, and Bucky wanted desperately to ask what for, but just before he could get the words out Steve stroked his thumb over the slit of Bucky’s cock and all he got out was a choked off moan.

 _“Good?”_ Steve asked tentatively as he repeated the motion.

 _“So good. Fuck Steve.”_ Bucky grabbed Steve’s waist with one hand while the other reached into his bedside table. He rummaged around in the drawer for a while, distracted by the feel of Steve’s, _fucking Stevie’s_ , hand on his cock, before coming up with a jar of Vaseline. He coated his fingers with the slick and hitched Steve’s skirt, Christ the skirt, up to get his hands back on Steve’s perfect ass. One hand grabbed a handful off one of Steve’s cheeks and the index-finger of the other found Steve’s hole. He rubbed over it, not pressing in but drawing Steve’s attention to him.

_“Still want me to fuck you doll?”_

_“Yesssss.”_ Steve drew out the last syllable as Bucky pressed his finger in while his friend was focused on answering and not as tense. He leaned forward and swallowed the keening noise Steve made as he pressed the finger in further, his eyes open to look for any signs of discomfort in Steve’s face. Steve broke their kiss as Bucky started moving his finger back and forth slowly, and for a second Bucky worried that Steve might have changed his mind, that it was too much, that he’d hurt him. But Steve seemed to read his mind, shaking his head pushing a few short kisses to Bucky’s lips that had him sighing from the sweetness of them.

 _“’M not gonna break Bucky.”_ Steve breathed against his lips, his hips making an effort to fuck himself down more on Bucky’s finger and fuck if that wasn’t one of the hottest things Bucky had ever felt.

 _“Don’t wanna hurt you Stevie. Gonna feel real good, you just gotta be patient, let me work you open for me babydoll.”_ Hurting Steve was so easy. He hated facing the reality of that almost as much as Steve hated it. He hated that the small delicate body he loved so much was also so fragile.

Having patience and being careful had never Steve’s virtues though, and despite the way he shivered at the words Bucky saw the determination set in his eyes and knew that he’d lost this particular fight already.

 _“I can take it.”_ Steve said, the same tone he used whenever he was about to start a fight with someone he definitely could not take. _“This ain’t the first time-“_ Steve says, cutting himself off like he can’t get the words out and Bucky feels murderous. Ready to bust out of the room, go knocking on doors in every corner of the city and start breaking skulls. He had no idea he was even capable of jealousy this intense.

 _“You said-“_ Bucky starts and it sounds way too strangled. He tries to take a breath and calm himself down. If Steve had said he’d been with a girl before, Bucky would have been proud. A bit jealous for sure, but mostly proud and happy for his friend. He shouldn’t get this worked up over the thought of Steve being with another man, Steve had every right to do whatever he wanted. _“You said you never kissed anyone.”_ He says, his voice still not completely steady.

 _“I haven’t.”_ Steve says and them smiles shyly as he corrects himself. _“Hadn’t.”_ He looks up from Bucky under his eyelashes and he looks so adorable Bucky just wants to drop the subject, hold him and never let go. But he can’t, because he needs to know. He needs to know what fucking asshole has done this to Steve without even treating him right, who thought they had any right to fuck Steve without even kissing him and showing him a good time first.

 _“Who?”_ Bucky demands.

 _“Who?”_ Steve looks honestly confused for a second before he realizes what Bucky is asking. _“No, no Bucky no. Gees, I haven’t- with anyone. I-“_ He has to stop and take a breath and Bucky kind of wants to check to see if Steve’s heartbeat is getting too irregular. _“I’ve done it with… to myself.”_ He confesses, starts squirming with embarrassment only to gasp and bite his lower lip when he realizes that the movement reminds him that he still has Bucky’s finger inside him.

 _“Oh.”_ Bucky says, clearly not on his a-game today when it comes to talking, unless it is to babble filth. Steve has gone back to quietly asking for forgiveness for being weird and taking up space again by doing that thing he does when he slumps his shoulders and angles his head to the side, and Bucky realizes that he was an idiot for reacting like that.

 _“No hey Steve. That’s- god, I wanna see that.”_ He says and starts moving the finger inside Steve again.

 _“Yeah?”_ Steve breaths, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. Still.

 _“Yeah, but not tonight. Tonight I wanna fuck you.”_ He says, sliding a second finger into Steve as he does. He works Steve lose and sweet on his fingers, letting Steve meet his thrusts with his hips. He’s not exactly an expert on these things himself, but making things up as he goes has worked for him this far so he doesn’t overthink what he’s doing. Let’s the expression on Steve’s face and his whimpers and moans be indications to whether or not he’s doing alright. And as far as he can tell he can’t be doing all that bad. Steve’s hand, gorgeous slim fingers, are still on his cock, trailing up and down the shaft in a maddening rhythm. But Steve must know what he’s doing, because he’s not putting any real pressure or giving Bucky the friction he’d need to get off properly, just jacking him lightly, like he can’t keep his hand away.

 _“Come on Bucky, please.”_ Steve starts pleading eventually, and Bucky is more than happy to comply at that point. He’s been hard for what feels like ages, never really losing the extra buildup of blood in his groin since he first saw Steve in the dress that afternoon.

 _“Yeah, yeah okay babydoll.”_ He says, reaching for the Vaseline again, this time slicking up his cock with it as Steve watches, mesmerized. He bunches up the dress with one hand and pulls Steve closer, urges him to lift himself so Bucky can position him just right. He knows that this isn’t necessarily the easiest position for them to be in, putting Steve on his back or his hands and knees would probably be more efficient. But this way he’ll be as physically close to Steve as he can, and he doesn’t want to let go of that. He loves having Steve in his lap like this.

 _“Come on Bucky. Stick it in me, come on.”_ Steve urges, his voice still tinted with embarrassment, like he can’t even believe the things he’s saying as Bucky nudges his rim with the head of his cock. They both groan as Bucky’s cock slips inside, Bucky tipping his head against Steve’s shoulder and Steve digging his fingers into Bucky’s shoulders. They go slow, Bucky’s hands on Steve’s hips, bracing him to make sure that Steve won’t just go for it and impale himself. Bucky is pretty sure that that’s what Steve would do if he let him, if the frustrated huffs he’s making between groans is anything to go by. It’s one of the many things he loves about Steve, how he’s brave and so, so strong even though it borders on stupid and wreckless most of the time.

It feels like hours pass until Steve’s fully seated, Bucky as far inside him as he can go. They’re both sweating, trading breaths but not quite kissing, the both of them to overwhelmed by sensations to concentrate on anything else.

 _“God, so tight Stevie.”_ Bucky mumbles against him.

 _“This how it feels with your girls?”_ Steve asks, and Bucky is too clouded in pleasure to decipher his tone of voice. He takes a breath and forces some of the blood in his body to run by his brain again. He can’t believe Steve is able to make conversation when Bucky feels like his entire world has been reduced to the tight hot clench of Steve around his dick. Once he’s capable of following Steve’s train of thought he realizes that he’s completely forgotten about the thing they were doing. Where Steve seemed to be working something out, where he wanted to be looked at and treated like a girl.

 _“No.”_ Bucky says, suddenly finding that game stupid as hell. He doesn’t want to pretend that Steve is some girl he took out for a good time and never intends to see again. Some girl who doesn’t really mean anything to him.

_“Oh, ‘m sorry, I-“_

_“No, this is way better.”_ Bucky hurries to cut Steve off before he gets the wrong idea. _“Stevie you feel so good. Nothin’s ever felt this good. You’re so good babydoll.”_ Fuck Bucky felt like he was going to cry it felt so good to be inside Steve, to be as physically close as possible, to be able to have Steve in ways he barely dared dream about.

 _“Don’t-“_ Steve started, swallowing before he continued. _“Don’t say thing like that Bucky. You can’t say things like that. I know I’m not what you really want, you don’t hafta-”_ Steve sounded like he was on the verge of crying and Bucky felt like the blood in his veins was freezing into solid blocks of ice.

 _“The hell are you talking about?”_ He asked, his clean hand coming up to grip the back of Steve’s head to hold him so he wouldn’t shift away and try to avoid looking at Bucky, the way he was currently doing.

Steve’s tiny dry laugh did terrible things to Bucky’s stomach. _“You really don’t get it, do you?”_ Steve said, shaking his head. _“This was a bad idea.”_ That did even worse things to Bucky’s entire body.

 _“You say that now?”_ Bucky all but squawked, a wave of terror rushing over him at the thought that this wasn’t what Steve had wanted. He’d - oh god, Bucky had pushed him too far, he’d pressured him, somehow missed that Steve wasn’t comfortable with this-

 _“You can’t act like you want me, like you really want_ me _. You can’t say things like that. Don’t you know how that makes me feel?”_ Steve looks devastated, like he is going to start crying any second now and that is the real indication for how serious this is. Steve never cries. Not when he’s rejected in the most rude way, not when he’s body decides to torture him with the nastiest illnesses and not even when he’s getting the life beat out of him.

 _“I do want you.”_ Bucky says, fingertips digging into the flesh of Steve’s thigh where the hand he used to open him up is placed. _“What makes you think I don’t?”_

Steve huffs, a hard sound through his nose which somehow has an impact on the muscles clamping down around Bucky’s cock and fuck, he should pull out. Steve doesn’t want this, he should- _“I know you Bucky, this doesn’t mean anything to you-“_

 _“Don’t tell me how I feel.”_ Bucky interrupts because Steve could be more wrong and Bucky has to make him understand that. _“I meant every word Stevie. I want you, anything you’ll let me have, I want it. And I wanna do this for you, whatever this is, but don’t think I’m not doin’ it because I’m a selfish piece of shit as well.”_

 _“You-“_ Steve stops and Bucky can see the wheels turning behind his eyes. _“You really want me like this?”_ He asks and Bucky would scream in frustration if it wasn’t for the way Steve’s blue eyes looked at him with such awe.

 _“I love you Stevie.”_ He says instead, almost surprised by the fact that the world keeps spinning. He’s been keeping those words under lock and key for so many years now out of fear of some apocalyptic reaction from the universe. Steve shudders, his entire body shaking in Bucky’s hands and the feel of it around Bucky’s cock makes him moan.

 _“Say it again.”_ Steve demands and Bucky is more than happy to comply.

 _“I love you, babydoll.”_ He says, his body going warm again from the needy whine spilling from Steve’s lips and he carefully pushes up, into Steve’s body again. _“You still want this?”_ He asks, even as Steve thrusts to meet him.

 _“Yes.”_ Steve moans and Bucky swallows the last of the sound with a kiss, licking inside Steve’s mouth and starting in on the rest of the buttons on the dress Steve is still wearing. If this isn’t about Steve wanting to be treated like a dame, if this is about Steve wanting Bucky the same way Bucky has wanted Steve for years, then Steve is wearing way to much clothing.

Bucky might accidentally rip a button or two in his fight to get the dress open enough so he can slide it off Steve’s body and onto the floor. He is usually way smoother than that, would never rip a girl’s clothes like some thoughtless animal, but no one has ever made Bucky feel the way Steve makes him feel. Once he gets the dress all the way off he smooths his hands up Steve’s sides, cups his hands around his ribcage and leans in to kiss his way across Steve’s torso.  

 _“God, Bucky you have no idea.”_ Steve breaths out, his hand coming up to bury themselves in Bucky’s hair. Bucky has never felt the urge to _purr_ in his entire life because what the hell, but he does now. The sound Steve makes as Bucky reaches one hand to cup his ass and the other to make a fist around his cock is something Bucky will never forgets for as long as he lives. And yeah, he thinks he has some idea, alright.

 _“Come on sweetheart. I wanna feel you.”_ He says, mumbling the words against Steve’s smooth skin at first, and then leaning back look at him when Steve’s rhythm starts to falter. _“Yeah, come on doll. Christ, you’re so gorgeous babydoll, look at me when you come, Stevie please-“_ He babbles and no one can really hold him responsible for the things he’s saying as feels Steve clench around him when he comes, baby blues wide open and locked with Bucky’s and it’s everything Bucky ever wanted.

Bucky doesn’t last a second longer once Steve starts spilling between them, mentally congratulating himself for holding out this long, which he thinks is one of his greatest achievements for a long time. They ride out their aftershocks in silence, Bucky’s head pressed into the space between Steve’s neck and shoulder where he can notice any worrying changes in Steve’s breathing or heartbeat. Bucky feels like several vital parts of his body might fail him because of the intensity of his orgasm, and he doesn’t have the asthma or Steve’s bad heart-

 _“Stop it.”_ Steve says weakly, but there is a hint of smile in his voice so Bucky doesn’t. _“’M fine, m’ not gonna break just cause I… just cause we-“_ And just for that, just because Steve still has a hard time saying it despite now having done it, Bucky leans back and makes sure Steve has a good view of his face. Then he raises the hand that had been jacking Steve off to his mouth, slipping two of the fingers that have been coated with Steve’s spunk in between his lips. Bucky feels Steve’s cock twitch against his stomach at the sight and it makes him smug as hell. The taste isn’t all that great, but he is totally willing to get used to it if that’s the reaction Steve has to it.

Steve leans in for a kiss and Bucky wonders if he can taste himself on Bucky’s tongue and the thought of that really shouldn’t be as hot as it is. But it makes him wrap his arm around Steve’s back and deepen the kiss, licking into Steve’s mouth until his boy is whimpering.

 _“I love you too, you know.”_ Steve says and Bucky realizes that it’s the first time Steve’s actually said it.

 _“Good. Cause I ain’t letting you go now.”_ Bucky answers and tries not to let the bitterness ruin his afterglow. He’s going to have to let Steve go – it’s probably just a matter of weeks before he gets the orders of deployment and he has this feeling that he isn’t going to come back from the war. Luckily Steve doesn’t seem to pick up on his change in mode and kisses him again.

Bucky drags them down to lie on the bed, smoothing his hand up and down Steve’s side when he hisses at the feel of Bucky’s cock sliding out of him. He sheds his clothes and uses his shirt to clean Steve up the best he can, since it’s dirty and sweaty and in need of a wash anyway. He’s almost surprised at how easily Steve lets himself be arranged into fitting against Bucky’s chest and is about to make some smart-ass remark about how if he knew that this was all it took to get Steve to relax he’d have done it a long time ago. But he catches himself before he can ruin the moment, because if he says it he knows that Steve will start wrestling him for who gets to be the big spoon and Bucky really just wants to sleep right now.

 _“Bucky?”_ Bucky is only half aware of Steve’s voice, half asleep.

_“Hmm?”_

_“You call me babydoll when we’re not naked and I’ll punch you. Hard.”_

_“Sure Stevie.”_ He smiles into the crook of Steve’s neck, kissing the soft skin.

_“I mean it Bucky.”_

_“Whatever you want babydoll.”_ And he means it. Whatever Steve wants, till the end of the line.

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck, so I did that thing again, where I go off writing smut instead on focusing on updating my more serious works. Oh well!
> 
> Also, I might be a bit obsessed with Bucky calling Steve babydoll. In case you didn't notice. But since I'm going to hell anyway I'm running with it.


End file.
